Meats Be Gone

The new Oprah magazine has a recipe for raw vegan lasagna:

Also two recipes from Vegan Soul Kitchen (Savory Triple-Corn Grits and Cucumber Watermelon Soup). This is like a first ever, Oprah usually likes a crap ton of cheese and pork in her recipes. Good for Oprah!

Of course there is also a douchey little box about humane meat. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS HUMANE MEAT, OPRAH, YOU BUTT NUT.

Here is something that goes under the same category of things as green smoothies and avocado pudding, which is “Things Of Which I Never Thought I Would Approve and I Made Them Just to See How Gross They Would Be and Now I Love Them and Eat Them All the Time.” I think you are gonna need a spiralizer for this. It says you can use a mandoline or a sharp knife but I don’t know. You may want to stab yourself with the sharp knife by the time you are halfway through. I bought the cheapest spiralizer on amazon and it is fine. It takes a little practice to find the right amount of pressure and once it made Chris O’s head explode. My mom bought the fancier spiralizer and she wants to spiralize everything there is.

Anyway, what you do is put some zucchinis in there and it makes some fake pasta. But the thing is then you can eat all that fake pasta and it is GOOD for you. I am on this kick now where I think wheat murders you by punching your insides with its tiny gluten fists but even if you are a rational person who does not think this, still you cannot deny that you can eat a giant pile of this and then NOT have to take a nap. Chris O says it is nothing like pasta but I think it is sort of. Anyway you can treat it like pasta.

Have you noticed how the introduction to every raw food recipe has some crazy unsubstantiated health claim in the introduction? Like, “Raw zucchini molecules bind to toxins in your lymph and reduce the acidification of your kidneys.”

You can make a marinara in the vitamix with fresh tomatoes and a garlic clove and basil and oregano and a little nutritional yeast, which I like EVEN BETTER than real marinara:

You should cook your mushrooms even if you are on a raw kick because they have a couple carcinogenic toxins in them when raw. Or you can marinate them in acid for overnight. This is a real and true fact from Becoming Raw, which is a book that references all of its wacky claims to real scientific studies, hello, certain popular raw foods authors/eco-lifestylists, you might want to try that once in a while.

Anyway you can also make a fake alfredo (leave out the agave, it is weird in there):

OR, the very BEST OF ALL, make some pesto (add some baby spinach to it too) with walnuts. Did you know that the omega 3′s in raw walnuts lubricate your corneas and prevent eyeball cancer?

That salad is made from lettuce from my CSA box. I want to love my CSA but the first box was pretty disappointing so that now I am regretting not choosing the other local CSA option. I went with this one because it drops off right at my work but I hope it is going to step it up a little.

It has a huge amount of nice kale and some green onions, 1 salad’s worth of lettuce, an anemic little dill plant, the three most pathetic radishes I have ever seen one of which seemed to be made of wood, and a skimpy pint of strawberries that were simultaneously underripe and rotten. Boo! I hope it gets better. However it is fun to think of everyone else and how distressed they will be about all that kale. I am an experienced eater of kale and it makes me feel a little panicky. Good thing kale chips were invented.

Today I cooked dinner, someone give me a prize. I made Green-wa from Yellow Rose Recipes. Then I pan-fried a zucchini and half an onion and a tomato. On top I put Penzey’s Green Goddess dressing made up with Vegenaise. The zucchini and the tomato are from the garden. Good for me.

One day I would like to figure out the nutritional usefulness of the meals I eat but that day is not today. Today we just know that there is 8 gm protein in 1 cup cooked quinoa and 7 gm protein in 1 c peas so we could be ok on protein but probably we ate too much Vegenaise. Also today is the day for worrying about what to do with the rest of the zucchinis.

So far there are three big ones.

PS I used my MacGourmet recipe thing to completely nonscientifically assess the nutritionals of Green-Wa.

Servings: 6
Amount Per Serving
Calories: 218
Total Fat: 3.88g
Cholesterol: –
Sodium: 118mg
Total Carbs: 35.58g
Dietary Fiber: 7.09g
Protein: 11.01g